Seattle, My Love

I have lived many lives up until this point
None of which have been more important than the versions of myself I have uncovered in Seattle.
It is difficult to put into words the varying ways this city has broken me and also made me whole.
It is the place where I lost part of myself I will never get back,
But that's the risk you take when fully opening yourself up to loving and being loved.
Relationships will make you see parts of yourself you have avoided your whole life,
But only if you let them.
And now when I look at the mountains I feel a deep sense of connection and an overwhelming sense of loss.
It will always be that way.
Both.
Never just one.
I thank Seattle for giving me the ability to let contrasting notions be true at the same time.
The gray skies gave me the chance to let parts of my world be a mix of black and white,
No longer just one or the other.

Seattle gave me the space to fall in love with myself.
Or should I say my selves?
Seattle prompted me to ask myself:
What do you want?
What do you need?
What are your desires?
My internal voice that had told me these questions were selfish became quieter and quieter.
Instead, my true voice became louder and more clear.
I began to use it even in moments when I was still afraid of what other's would think.
That fear has been crumbling over the past five years.
It now feels like sand beneath my feet.
A memory of the past.

And if I'm being fully honest,
Seattle made me a woman.
It gave me the space to embrace the fullness of my femininity without shame.
In my overpriced apartments and standstill traffic,
I was given the space to mourn the versions of myself I had shunned or ignored.
And through the many waterfalls of tears,
I found the strength to embody my own body.

So I thank the city upon which I was allowed to pilgrimage.
I found you at a crucial moment in my story.
Or did you find me?
Either way, you allowed me the space to re-shape my narrative.
For that, I am forever grateful.

All my love,
Lisa J.