In Memory

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I don't have enough photos of you,
Which makes me feel a certain way.
Happy because it means we enjoyed the moments,
Without fear of the future.
We had no need to document the seconds as they passed.
No thought existed to tell us we might want to freeze the moment in time.
It makes me believe we lived fully in those years.

But now as my brain starts to have a harder time with recall,
And as the vivid memories start to blur at the edges,
I just wish I would have taken more photos.
I wish I would have realized how important the moments were,
How fragile our time was.
I wish I had more than my memories to hold onto.

I remember journaling days after you passed,
I crazily tried to write down every memory and moment I had of you.
I was afraid I would forget.
I was right.
Not that I could ever forget you.
But I'm starting to lose specific stories I want to remember forever.

I imagine that is how we continue on after we are gone.
We not only live through the photos and videos,
We live through the stories that continue to be told.
We live through the ways our family and friends carry us with them.

My memories of you are filled with joy and silliness.
Deep discussions and concern for humanity.
Intense love for your tribe, and anyone else who you encountered.
When I think of you I try to remind myself to embody these aspects.

I carry you close.
I carry you with me in the way I hold my relationships a bit tighter.
The way I now obsessively take photos.
The way I try to freeze moments in time just in case I might never have them again.

You changed me in your life
And in your death.
I am forever grateful for the time we had together.

Comments

  1. catalinakelMarch 30, 2021 at 3:30 PM

    Oh, friend. Sounds like you lost someone you loved. I didn't know, and I'm so sad knowing now. But I also remember your palpable and present love toward me, and now it makes sense.
    Thank you. I miss you.

    ReplyDelete

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