Time I Will Never Get Back

You'll never get that time back.

They said to me after I decided to take a year for myself.
I just couldn't bring myself to jump into my career world directly following grad school.
I was tired, weary, and unsure of myself.
For so long I had been surviving.
Constantly meeting that status quo.
No more.
No less.
Just enough.
I wanted more for myself.
I wanted to offer more to my future career.
So I quit.

I quit it all.
I left the state with my dog, my partner, and only what we could fit in our Pontiac Vibe.
I had never been a quitter before.
My follow-through and determination had always been exceptional.
But I gave it up for a year with my sister, my family, my partner, and myself.

Some people got it.
They understood.
You can only hustle for so long.
But others kept telling me I would never get that year back.
And they were right.

I'll never get back the year I spent most evenings drinking wine and cooking meals with my sister.
I'll never get back the year of rocking my baby nephew to sleep as he fell asleep staring into my eyes.
I'll never get back the year where Nate and I could have a date any night of the week.
I'll never get back the year of overdecorating for every holiday just because we can.
I'll never get back the year where we could visit the beach at any moment.
I'll never get back the year I spent most days reading, writing, and taking care of myself.
I'll never get back the year where stress was on the back-burner for a moment.
I'll never get back the year where I was reminded who I am and what I value.

I'll never get that year back.
I'll never be able to relive it.
I'll always look back grateful for the time I had -
The moments I carved out for what mattered most.
It's a year I imagine I will cherish until my dying day.